We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
