Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
