I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
