youre lurking in front of me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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