He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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