matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize