I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
