I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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