you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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