Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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