you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
