I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
