Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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