he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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