i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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