matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
