he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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