Swine flu. Run for my life!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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