Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone shattered a urinal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
