You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
