im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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