Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
