Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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