Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Terrible idea I love it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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