Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize