she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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