Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize