I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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