I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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