i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize