Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
