She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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