I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
