i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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