I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
