i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
