Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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