I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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