i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
