they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
