I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
