I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
