The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
