Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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