i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
