She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
