Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
