Im at strip club and am horny
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
