At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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