i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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