girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
