They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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