I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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