I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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