apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
