K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
