okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
