I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
