they need to just BURY HIM!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cut my penus on the lid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
