New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
