i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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