I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
