Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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