you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
