man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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